Never is a Promise
by The Versatile Scarf
Summary: One-Shot, One-Sided Kaoru/Hikaru, Hikaru/Haruhi -- Three steps in the twins' lives.


Never is a Promise

By The Versatile Scarf

A/N: Pointless, but exciting!

Right?

Short as anything D

Warnings: One-sided Hikaru/Kaoru, Hikaru/Haruhi

Song: Never is a Promise by Fiona Apple x-x-x-x-x

_You'll never see the courage I know  
Its color's richness won't appear within your view  
I'll never glow - the way that you glow  
Your presence dominates the judgements made on you_

_But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights  
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception  
My feelings swell and stretch; I see from greater heights  
I understand what I am still too proud to mention - to you_

Hikaru was the elder. Hikaru was always the first to speak, the first to act, and the first to step. As children they would walk, hands entwined, seemingly in unison. Only the twins themselves knew of the slight hesitancy with which the younger moved, just a moment behind his brother. It was so close that only the most scrutinizing gaze could see.

They spoke in such a way that only someone with superb hearing could even begin to theorize that there may be a difference between when Hikaru began his words and when Kaoru did.

_You'll say you understand, but you don't understand  
You'll say you'd never give up seeing eye to eye  
But never is a promise, and you can't afford to lie_

Kaoru followed his elder brother. It wasn't that he felt he needed guidance, but yearned for it. Yearned for the way Hikaru seemed to know exactly what he wanted to do. Yearned for the way he acted without a second thought. The courage he employed in everything he did was like a beacon. Hikaru was the light, and Kaoru the moth, fluttering pathetically against the glass, trying so hard to touch and be welcomed into the warmth.

His brother welcomed him with open arms, but it never felt like enough. Kaoru never ceased trying.

In the beginning it was simply an insecurity. At birthday parties the younger Hitachiin would sit with his hands splaying over a beautifully wrapped gift, amber eyes wide and terrified. So many people, simply staring, some of them smiling. He could only pick a few servants and very few family members out of the crowd. But there was his mother, waving at his father to get good pictures, even as his lips began to tremble.

The telltale sound of paper ripping came, and his eyes had snapped down to his own present, horrified, but his hands remained just as immobile as they had been before. So he'd looked to his right, where a little boy, identical to him in looks, was tearing into his own present. It was Kaoru's first distinct memory of his brother, and it was as though he were looking at the world through two identical sets of eyes, rather than just his own. It was suddenly _their_ mother waving frantically at _their_ father, and people were staring at _them_.

Paper went flying, nearly obscuring both of the three-year-old boys, who were giggling with absolutely enormous delight.

They received countless presents, as they would for the rest of their birthdays, but it was that hand in his that Kaoru considered the greatest gift he'd ever gotten.

From then on it was simply habit. Hikaru would start, Kaoru would continue. Hikaru would leap, and Kaoru would be there to propel him further.

_You'll never touch - these things that I hold  
The skin of my emotions lies beneath my own  
You'll never feel the heat of this soul  
My fever burns me deeper than I've ever shown - to you_

_You'll say, Don't fear your dreams, it's easier than it seems  
You'll say you'd never let me fall from hopes so high  
But never is a promise and you can't afford to lie_

Unity.

Gradually, that insecurity faded. Gradually, they become two halves of one whole, rather than Hikaru being three-fourths and Kaoru filling in the rest. They walked in unison, no longer holding each other's hand. They spoke in unison, expressions nearly exact copies of one another. They became nearly interchangeable.

Countless girls were tricked. Certainly they were desirable, but which did girls gravitate toward more often? Neither of the twins cared enough to keep a tally on whom received the most love letters. Neither of them cared for the frilly, sickening confessions. The ones that weren't ripped up in front of a sobbing young woman's face were kept in a drawer in their dresser, pulled out whenever the two needed a good laugh. They never looked at who the notes were addressed to, because it didn't matter.

They had one another, and an outsider's interest meant absolutely nothing.

Whenever someone tried to find a distinguishing feature they failed miserably. There were no 'distinguishing features'. Kaoru's hesitancy had been destroyed long, long before. They were each their own person but they were each other as well.

"Hikaru, Mommy needs you to get her purse. Kaoru, can you get my cell? It's in the kitchen."

When the two boys moved off in the same direction, she had to stop them.

"I'm in a hurry. _One_ of you get my purse, _please_."

Simultaneously they looked at one another, simultaneously they looked back to her.

"Which one?"

Not missing a beat. They spoke together, gazing imploringly at the woman whom they resembled so strongly.

"Either of you, just _please_ hurry."

Two sets of footsteps to the right. Five steps. They paused, and without looking at one another moved off to the left. Five steps. They both stopped, and it took _time_ to figure out which would go to the right and which would go to the left. The togetherness was instantaneous. Separation required a thought process and time.

It may have been quicker if they'd both gone to retrieve both items.

_You'll never live the life that I live  
I'll never live the life that wakes me in the night  
You'll never hear the message I give  
You'll say it looks as though I might give up this fight_

_But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights  
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception  
My feelings swell and stretch, I see from greater heights  
I realize what I am now too smart to mention - to you_

They remained nearly inseparable, still sleeping in the same room, though for the younger Hitachiin it had become... taxing. His brother remained oblivious--blinded by a light that had almost all of them under its spell.

Haruhi. Not empty-headed, not interested in how well business was going, not interested in the most recent gossip to be had. A novelty, the twins had thought.

Slowly, though, she'd become more than a novelty. She'd become a person. And Hikaru was infatuated.

Kaoru couldn't blame him. It would be stupid to blame him. Haruhi wove a spell unlike any other, and it was only because of his feelings for another that Kaoru was able to escape its pull.

But it was a difference. It was something between them. Something that set them apart from one another. They spoke in unison far less frequently. Their hands rarely touched, though Kaoru ached for the hold. Their backs turned to one another in the middle of the night. Their steps faltered. Their eyes would meet, uncertainty in their depths, but it was becoming harder and harder to understand one another through mere glances.

They were changing. Who was changing more rapidly? How were they changing? They'd been surrounded by questions their entire life, but this new set was the most unnerving.

What would the outcome be?

"Haruhi, Haruhi!" As one.

"Oi, Haruhi. What's this game?" Hikaru.

The commoner's carnival. Haruhi had said she wasn't going... but Haruhi didn't stand much of a chance against the combined flurry of Tamaki and the twins. They were strolling down the midway, Tamaki having been absolutely entranced by an old woman with a fake glass ball before her. Hikaru had pulled both his brother and the young woman to a stop in front of a booth where stacks of small rings rested on wooden pegs, and after a distance of perhaps four feet there was a plethora of bottles.

"You throw the rings and if it lands around the neck of one of the bottles you win a prize."

Kaoru found he wasn't interested. He watched his brother digging in his pocket for the fee, watched Haruhi laugh to herself at his enthusiasm, and looked further down the midway. This time, he was alone in his glances, looking from the pair to a crowd of people around a distant booth.

And then Kaoru stepped ahead.

_You'll say you understand, you'll never understand  
I'll say I'll never wake up knowing how or why  
I don't know what to believe in, you don't know who I am  
You'll say I need appeasing when I start to cry  
But never is a promise and I'll never need a lie_

x-x-x-x-x


End file.
